Revelations
by scarylolita
Summary: Craig doesn't know what he wants in life so he accepts everything that's handed to him - whether it's good or bad. After being blackmailed by Kenny, he's unable to stop the endless cycle that follows. Red knows something is up, but she can't seem to get her boyfriend to be honest. Slash.


**South Park © Matt & Trey.**

**Sequel to "In Ruins" though one can be read without the other~ **

**I feel bad making Craig's parents neglectful, but I must for the sake of the story. **

* * *

><p><em>I love your skin oh so white<br>I love your touch cold as ice  
>And I love every single tear you cry<br>I just love the way you're losing your life_

HIM

"You better stay quiet, Craig," Kenny warns, putting his palm over Craig's mouth. "You don't want your friends to see what a whore you are." Craig bites down on the blond's hand as he's bent over the counter none too gently. He lets out a wanton moan as his body is invaded, closing his eyes. "You let everyone have you," Kenny continues talking while he fucks the brunet. He's unfazed by the pain. "Why is that? I've always wondered… You let everyone do what they want to you. You never used to be like that." Craig doesn't respond. Instead, he lifts one of his legs up onto the counter, giving the blond easier access. "Do you want to die?" Kenny asks. "Are you bored? Or maybe just mental…?"

"Shut up," Craig stifles a moan. "You talk too much. You always talk… too fucking much."

"Is it a turn off?"

"Yes," the brunet bites out.

Kenny smirks at that, but says nothing more for now. "You like this, don't you?" he asks, sticking his digits deeper into the brunet's mouth. "You like doing it at school. Pervert."

Craig's gag reflex wants to react, but he forces himself to relax. "Sh…" he hisses, biting down on the blond's fingers.

"I'm just kidding with you," Kenny continues, once again ignoring the pain – possibly even enjoying it. "It's my fault, isn't it? You're like this because of me." He gives the brunet a reach-around with his other hand, tightening his grip when his comment goes ignored.

Craig hisses out a sharp, "_Yes_."

Kenny lightly presses his lips to Craig's shoulder, giving him a soft kiss. "Good."

It always goes like this and Craig feels dizzy. He feels high – but this kind of high is different. It isn't the same as snorting coke or popping pills. It's not like the ketamine… or maybe, in a way, it is. It's an escape. He's no longer Craig Tucker. He's something else. _Someone_ else. He can't quite put it to words and when people ask he just brushes them off.

Kenny removes his fingers from Craig's mouth and lets his hand settle on the brunet's hip. "Gonna come," he warns gruffly.

Craig cringes as the wet sensation coming from his backside, but he doesn't protest. Soon, Kenny pulls out and Craig hears the clanking of his belt being buckled. Slowly, he lowers his leg and the blond spins him around before going down on him. Craig closes his eyes. It feels good. It always feels good. He leans against the counter, holding onto the edge. His breath hitches a moment later and then it's over. He puts his pants back on.

"I haven't seen you in a while… How did you find me?" Craig asks him once modest. "We're in Denver."

"I'm everywhere, Craig," Kenny says. "No matter where you go, I'll always follow. You should know that by now. How long has it been since I first fucked you?"

"Two years," Craig answers him. "It's been two years."

"Exactly," the blond winks. "You can't lose me, no matter how hard you try to run away I'm always a step behind."

"Unsettling," Craig murmurs.

Kenny just smiles and waves before running off.

Craig stares at himself in the mirror, making sure he doesn't look overly sexed up. Once decent, he leaves the bathroom and strolls to class.

Craig is getting a degree in journalism, not that he'll ever use it. He's just doing it to make his parents happy. Clyde is studying business and Token is studying engineering. Red is getting a degree in education along with Bebe and Nichole is getting a degree in molecular biology. Kevin is majoring in history, Jason is majoring in computer science, Tweek is majoring in English and Wendy is majoring in women's studies. So on and so forth.

Much to Craig's dismay, Kyle, Stan and the fat one, Eric Cartman, are also attending Boulder. It seemed to be everyone's first choice. It's far enough to leave home but close enough to return if the going gets tough. Craig doesn't know what any of them are studying. He never cared to ask. He sees them around sometimes, though. They're always loud. They laugh and joke as if nothing has changed throughout the years. What utter garbage. Craig hates them all.

* * *

><p>It doesn't feel like it's been two years. In way, it feels shorter and in other ways, much longer. There are times Craig thinks he deserves what was handed to him. Kleptomania isn't something that was going to be rewarded. He knew that. It was inevitable that he would get caught. Kenny was the one to catch him stealing from a corner store. He worked at the local 711. The blond offered him two choices: he could get on his knees or he could let the cops handle the situation. Craig chose private humiliation. He thought he could handle it. He never anticipated what would follow.<p>

The week after Craig got shamelessly fucked in the corner store, he made his way back. Why? He doesn't quite know. If you were to ask him he'd lie. He'd say he wanted to try and get one over Kenny, but that's not true. Perhaps it was the sick thrill of it he enjoyed so much. Perhaps that's what made him come back. Then again, perhaps Craig just hates himself. He tries not to dwell on the "why" so much. He just accepts things. He accepts everything that's thrown his way, whether it's good or bad.

Kenny waved when he saw him enter and asked, "Back for more?"

Craig didn't answer, but Kenny knew. He always knows, even now. It's one of his greatest talents. "Fuck me again," he demanded flatly. "I wanna feel something. I wanna be scared."

With a smirk, Kenny obliged and Craig stopped stealing after that.

This is how the vicious cycle began. The fear was exhilarating, but it only lasted so long. Now the numbness has permanently set in and he's forever detached. In that way, it's like a nicotine rush. It's nice at first, but it doesn't last. Either way, you still need your damn fix.

Craig is now in his second year of university but he can't seem to escape Kenny's strange magnetism. In fact, he rather craves it and when he can't find the blond he'll settle for whoever's closest and whose hands are roughest.

* * *

><p>Later in the night, Craig and his crew sit in the dorm lounge, watching one of Kevin's anime. Craig reaches onto Clyde's lap and slips his hand into the brown haired teenager's jeans. Shinji starts screaming on the television screen. "Is he having an existential crisis?" Craig mutters the question.<p>

"I don't fucking know what's happening in this show," Clyde admits.

Token sighs at them both, keeping his eyes ahead once he realizes what his two friends are doing. "Mind not doing this shit when I'm in the room?"

Kevin adds, "Jeez, it's no wonder you two don't know what's happening."

"Calm down," Craig murmurs. "It's not a big deal."

No one argues. Craig can't be swayed and Clyde definitely isn't going to complain. He never does, though he knows how wrong it is.

Craig shifts to his side, burying his face in his best friend's crotch. The sound of it fills the room and with a sigh, Token announces his departure. Feeling uncomfortable, Kevin turns the TV off and follows a minute later.

"Y'know," Clyde murmurs somewhat hoarsely, "Anyone could walk in."

Craig doesn't acknowledge him. He keeps working his mouth. He feels Clyde's fingers in his hair, grip tightening. He knows Clyde feels guilty, but he never knows how to start the interventionist discussion about Craig's bad _habits_. So, he stays quiet. He accepts Craig's advances. He doesn't complain.

"Gonna come," he warns in a stifled voice, letting out a guttural moan.

Craig zones out until it's over. He's well practiced now, whether or not it's a good thing he never considers. He sits up and wipes his mouth as Clyde makes himself decent.

"You don't mind, do you?" Clyde asks.

"No," Craig says flatly. "Do you?"

"No," he echoes. "You're my best friend. I fuckin' love you, dude."

Craig smiles, but it's lackluster. "Likewise."

* * *

><p>When Craig retires, he finds Kenny in his bed. "Hey," he murmurs.<p>

"Howdy," the blond returns, rolling over to face him.

The dorm room is tiny – with space for just a single bed, a desk, a tiny closet and a sink. Craig doesn't mind. He doesn't spend a lot of his time here. He moves across the room and sits on the edge of his bed. Kenny hugs him from behind and asks, "Tense?"

"No," Craig says flatly.

"Where were you?" the blond pries, rubbing the brunet's shoulders.

"With Clyde," he answers. "Token and Kevin left."

"Of course they did," Kenny snorts. "You were probably slutting it up. Do you still think you're straight?"

"No," Craig admits.

"Round two?" Kenny offers, rubbing his hands around over Craig's chest.

Craig moves away, standing and turning to face the insatiable blond. "Why are you in Denver?" he asks once more. "You don't even go here."

"I just wanted to see you, Craig," Kenny says simply.

"What about your other friends?" Craig pries. "Stan… Kyle… Eric?"

"I don't care about them as much as I care about you," Kenny coos, rising to his feet and standing face-to-face with the brunet.

"Hit me," Craig says out of the blue.

Kenny laughs boisterously. "God! You are _fucked_ up, kiddo!"

"Hit me," Craig repeats himself in the same, dull tone.

"Only if you promise to hit me back," Kenny winks. Without waiting for a response, he hurtles his fist into Craig's sullen expression. With the clean hit, he wipes the look clear off his face.

Craig stumbles, but doesn't make a sound. After a pause, he clears his throat and stares at the blond for a moment before handing him the same rough treatment.

_Smack_.

Kenny falls backwards onto the mattress, nursing a bloody nose. Craig doesn't care. He slinks forward and mounts the blond, sitting on his abdomen. "According to the rumors, Craig Tucker likes it rough," he says with a cynical smile. "He doesn't mind if it hurts a little."

That makes Kenny smirk. "They aren't rumors if they're true." He moves his hands up and down Craig's thighs.

"S-stop," Craig whispers weakly.

"Hm," Kenny muses, letting his hand slip beneath the fabric of Craig's shirt. He feels the warm skin on his stomach tense at the touch. "No. Don't be a shy prude. You enjoy it. Finish what you start."

Craig looks away, heavy-headed. "Why me, of all people?"

"Because I like you."

His hands continue to wander and Craig spaces out. He does this so often. He loses time. Minutes go by, sometimes hours. Maybe it's the drugs, but maybe not. Maybe it's his mind telling him to get the hell out. Run, run, RUN! Still, he never listens.

After the day's second round, Kenny is gone. Craig follows, but the blond left no trace. He shudders, wrapping his arms around himself. "No…" he murmurs aloud, walking down the main road of the campus. He won't go to his dorm just yet. Instead, he walks to Red's share house.

She looks surprised to see him standing there, but she doesn't hesitate to usher him inside. "Craig, what is it?" she asks frantically, shutting the door. "Where were you? I tried contacting you tonight. You better have a good excuse and you better be quiet about, too. It's late. My flatmates are out, but if you start hollering everyone living above and below us won't be happy." A pause. "So…?" she demands answers. "Where were you?"

Craig lets out a short laugh that comes out like a sob. "I don't know…" he says in a meek voice.

"Are you high right now?" she asks bitterly.

He doesn't respond. He can't possibly respond and tell her what really happened… what _keeps_ on happening. She'd be so disgusted – so disappointed. He couldn't bear to see her look at him that way. That's why he never tells her of the cycle he's trapped in. He never tells her what Kenny does.

Red takes him by the hand and they move into the living room. "Craig…?" she urges, softening. "Please… I love you and I want this to work, but you're so distant. You hate being touched kindly… and then there's drugs… and the sex… I know this is an open relationship, but you're so self-destructive I can't just sit back and mind my own business."

Craig brings a hand up to his face and starts sobbing into his palm.

"Breathe, Craig," she says gently. "_Breathe_."

He closes his eyes and inhales slowly.

"Do you want me to get Clyde?" she asks. "He's just upstairs."

Exhale. "No."

"I'm going to anyway," she murmurs. "I'll be right back."

He doesn't argue. He watches her leave the room, wiping his clammy palms on his jeans. 'Red is too good for me,' he thinks to himself. She stays with him through thick and thin – whatever that means. Right now it's all gone to shit, but she still stays. She even agreed when Craig said he no longer wanted to date exclusively. He said it for her sake, not for his. Kenny is insatiable and Craig is his favorite toy. Craig didn't want to be _that guy_. The cheater. He was already a thief, he didn't need another bad title on his list of misdeeds.

Soon, Red returns with Clyde. He's in his pajamas, but he's wide awake. Craig isn't sure if it's because he's concerned, or if he was just doing something stimulating. "Craig, dude, what's going on?" he asks. "You look like the walking dead."

"I know," Craig admits tartly.

"So, where were you?" his best friend asks. A pause. "Craig, where _were_ you?" he urges. "Please…" Another pause.

"I was with Kenny," Craig says after what feels like hours.

"We've been over this a _dozen_ times…" Clyde gives his friend a piteous look. "Dude, Kenny's dead… Has been for a long time."

"Ah…" Craig whispers, his voice coming out meekly. "That's right… I forgot."

"Craig, man… you were _there_ when he died," Clyde reminds him. "You _found_ him…"

"That's right… I forgot," he repeats himself. His voice gets higher and he feels too much and all of it is god awful.

Red nods slowly, reaching forward and rubbing his shoulders. "Repeat after me Craig – Kenny McCormick is _dead_."

Craig lets out a breath before echoing, "Kenny McCormick is dead."

"He's _not_ coming back," she says urgently, wanting – no, _needing_ him to understand.

"He's not coming back," he repeats.

"And it's _not_ your fault," she finishes.

"It's not my fault…" he murmurs.

* * *

><p>Red offers Craig her bed and when he's asleep, her and Clyde continue to converse about their poor friend. By now, Red's housemates are back – Bebe, Nichole and Token.<p>

"I don't know what to do," Red whispers. "Why is he like this?"

"The drugs are probably makin' him see shit that ain't there," Bebe mutters.

"I don't think so." Clyde shakes his head at that. "With most people…" he trails off, pausing. "You know when you start losing hope and shit gets bad? It's kind of like… when you know someone is dying. You expect it. You prepare yourself… but still, it comes as a big shock when they're finally gone and you mourn your heart out anyway. You literally feel your heart sink. Preparing won't help. It won't do a damn thing… but for people like Craig, it doesn't work like that. He doesn't really have the ability to see things the way normal people see things and maybe that's why he's so hung up on Kenny. His perspectives are all fucked up."

"Oh," Bebe says quietly, frowning. "That's so sad…"

"We can't keep covering for him," Token adds in a murmur. "He's fucked. He's been fucked ever since McCormick bought the farm and he isn't getting any better. This happens every so often. He forgets McCormick is dead and we have to remind him. It's _not_ fucking normal. We can't ignore it anymore. He needs help… the kind of help that we _can't_ give him. Guilt makes you see things that aren't there. Maybe this is Craig's problem. There are things he can't escape and there are things haunting him, in a sense. It wasn't his fault, but he might still blame himself."

"So, what are you saying?" Red asks sharply. "We should have him locked away? No! I could never do that to him."

"You can't just mother him for the rest of your life," Clyde cuts in wearily.

"Yes, I can," she whispers.

"It's not healthy, Becca," Nichole decides to add her two cents.

Red only sighs. "I know…" she relents begrudgingly.

* * *

><p>In his sleep, Craig relives the day Kenny died. The officials called it an accidental overdose, but sometimes Craig wonders if it was on purpose. In life, Kenny always chastised Craig for doing the hard stuff… but that ended up being Kenny's method of <em>choice<em>.

Craig found Kenny in the backyard of the McCormick house. They had plans. Craig knew the plans would include fucking, but he still went over. He saw Kenny sitting in a lawn chair. He said his name, but there was no answer. He approached slowly, standing in front of the blond. Craig didn't have to touch his pulse to know he was gone. It was in the way his limp neck hung, chin pressing against his chest. Numbly, Craig reached for his cellphone and dialled 911 for the first time in his life.

That was it. Kenny was gone… or so he thought.

He came back that same night. Craig was alone in his bed. He just got back home from the police station. He no longer wanted to think. The thing is, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to be thinking. Should he have been relieved or should be have been mourning? He did neither. He felt nothing.

When Kenny walked through his door, he wasn't as fazed as he should have been. He didn't scream or shout, "You're supposed to be dead!" He simply accepted it and for a long time, he asked no question. He wondered if he hallucinated Kenny's death, but he never voiced the thought.

He didn't just see it in his head. It happened. He'll just have to keep reminding himself until it sinks in. He can't keep doing this to himself.

When he wakes up, Red is lying next to him. She isn't asleep. Craig can tell she's wide awake. When he shifts, she says his name, "Craig?"

"Hm," he mumbles acknowledgement.

"Craig, are you okay?" she asks quietly, sounding meek and cautious – as if she's afraid he'll snap at her.

"Yeah," he insists, sitting up. "What time is it?"

"Almost seven in the morning," she says.

"I'm leaving," he murmurs, climbing over her and getting out of the bed. She sighs loudly, not wanting him to go so soon. "Sorry," he says flatly before walking away.

On his way back to his dorm room, he continues to remind himself that Kenny is dead. It's like a mantra in his mind – something he _needs_ to remember, but the drugs make him so forgetful and so weary. Still, he can't stop.

When he reaches his room, he pulls open his desk drawer and grabs a bottle. He pops a few anti-anxiety pills and throws the container back in the drawer. He lies down on his bed, letting the melting sensation fill every inch of him.

It's Friday. Craig doesn't have classes on Friday. There are usually parties on the weekend and parties mean alcohol – alcohol Craig doesn't have to pay for.

He sleeps for most of the day until his door swings open. He sits up and sees Kenny. Naturally.

"Clyde says you died," Craig mentions. "I should know, right? I was there."

"Yeah," is all Kenny says.

"Why are you _here_?" Craig demands miserably, desperate for answers that never come. This is how the cycle goes.

"I don't know," the blond shrugs. "Maybe I have unfinished business."

"And what would that be?" Craig pries, needing to know.

"I don't know," Kenny repeats, joining the brunet on his bed. "Do you know how cute you are?"

"Shut up," Craig responds.

"Learn how to take a compliment, Craig," Kenny warns him. "A lack of confidence _isn't_ cute and you sound rude."

"Bite me," Craig mutters. "You're a bad person."

"I may be scum," Kenny agrees, "but you're the one who likes to play in it. So, what does that say about you?"

Craig simply stares at the blond with parted lips and an expression of betrayal. He knows he's right, but he's unable to speak. Not a word leaves his mouth.

Kenny smiles. "All right. I'm sorry." He kisses Craig before letting his lips travel to the brunet's neck.

"Stop it!" Craig snaps. "I'm fucking tired!"

"Make meeee," Kenny sing-songs.

Craig doesn't even bother. He lies down and relaxes, accepting his fate. His eyes are open but staring far away. He has given up opposition. Kenny won. He always does.

* * *

><p>As 6PM approaches, Craig stands up and leaves the room. Kenny follows him. As they move down the hallway, the sound of music gets louder and louder.<p>

Soon, Craig finds a sitting room full of people from his dorm. In the back of the room is a table full of liquor. Craig heads straight for it, making himself a stiff drink.

"Why can't anyone else see you?" Craig asks.

"I don't want them to," the blond answers simply.

"Why not?" Craig pries. The two of them sit on a sofa and Craig doesn't acknowledge the fact that he probably looks like a mental patient talking to himself.

"Because I only want you to see me."

Jason walks by, winking at Craig, who forces a dull smile in return.

"He wants to fuck you," the blond points out. He doesn't sound fond of the idea.

"I know."

"Gonna let him?"

"Maybe I already did," Craig says. "Wouldn't make a difference, would it?"

Kenny stiffens. "You had sex with Jason?"

"Maybe," Craig says again.

As the night progresses, Craig has too much to drink on top of the pills he's been taking throughout the day. Mixing is never good and he feels like his brain is going to pour out his ears.

From across the room, Red and Clyde stare at Craig as he talks to himself. They look at him with immense amounts of pity and if he saw it, he'd sneer at them both.

"What's wrong with him?" Red asks Clyde.

"He's drunk and you're the one that mothers him," Clyde says tersely. "Better go make sure he's gonna make it through the night."

With a sigh, Red walks across the room. When Craig sees her coming, he stands up expectantly. "What is it?" he asks right away. "Come to check up on me?"

"Yes," she admits.

"Well," he gestures to himself, "I'm perfectly fine."

"You're slurring every fucking word!" she exclaims. "How much have you drank?"

"I don't know," he admits. "I forget."

"I'm not your fucking _mommy_!" Red shouts somewhat pleadingly, needing him to understand and needing him to stop hurting himself. "I can't keep doing this, Craig!"

"I never asked you to be," Craig bites. "I have a mother… she just doesn't care about me. Neither does my father."

And maybe this is the root of all his problems. Neglect.

He wanders off, not waiting for a response. He leaves the room and bumps into none other than Eric Cartman.

"Watch it!" the fat teenager growls.

"Don't be a dick," Kyle warns his friend.

"It's impossible for him not to be," Stan adds.

Craig sighs. Great. Kenny's friends.

"Say sorry!" Eric demands.

"No," Craig says.

"Then get outta my way!"

"Chill out, fat-ass," Kyle snaps before looking at Craig, "Hang with us for a bit."

"Why?" Craig asks distastefully.

"Because we haven't seen you in a while," he says. "Kenny was always fond of you. We never really got to know you, though."

Craig frowns at the blond's name, turning around. He's nowhere in sight. He must've disappeared by now. Craig can't help but wonder where he goes when he's gone. When he turns back around, the other three teens give him a strange look. He doesn't bother explaining.

"Come on," Kyle nods for him to follow them.

Craig relents and the four of them walk into a quieter part of the dorm building. They sit down in a rec room and Cartman turns the television on. The volume is low and it's quiet. No one is speaking.

"What are you guys studying?" Craig asks, mostly just for the sake of breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm doing a double major in German and Sociology," Eric says proudly.

"I'm studying mathematics," says Kyle.

"English," Stan smiles.

"Oh," Craig says.

"Yeah…" Kyle pauses. "So, what about you? What are you majoring in?"

"Journalism," Craig responds.

"That's interesting!"

"Not really," he murmurs. "I hate it."

"Oh…" Kyle says awkwardly.

More silence.

"I'm going to get some food," Cartman says, sitting up.

"I'll come," Stan volunteers.

Kyle smiles at Craig once they're gone. "Guess it's just us."

"Hm," Craig mumbles.

"Sorry if it sounds like I'm intruding," Kyle starts offhandedly, "but are you okay? You walk around campus like zombie…"

Craig stares at him expressionlessly. "I was fucking your friend."

"Kenny," Kyle states. It isn't a question. "Yeah, I know."

"How?" Craig asks.

Kyle looks sheepish before admitting, "He once left his phone at my place and since I'm nosy, I looked through it. I saw a photo of you on it and I mean… it was just your face and torso, but I could tell there was something sexual about the look you were wearing."

"I came and he took a picture," Craig murmurs in recollection. "That was when we first slept together… Actually, I don't know what to call it."

Kyle stares at him piteously. "He forced it, didn't he? He… He was kind of awful like that. When he liked someone, he _really_ liked them. He was kind of like an animal. There were times he did really shitty things and he didn't understand why he wasn't supposed to."

"I let him fuck me and it hurt and felt good and then I felt nothing," Craig explains airily.

"But _why_?" Kyle whispers the question as if it's paining him.

"The drugs…" Craig pauses, "The sex, too… it takes me away from myself."

"Jesus Christ," the redhead pales. "That's heavy…"

"I still see him all the time," Craig says. "I don't know why. He says he doesn't know either. He really fucked me up. He's still fucking me up."

"Then maybe… he needs to build you back up," Kyle suggests, deciding to humor the brunet.

"What?" Craig tilts his head to the side, raising an eyebrow at the redhead.

"You said he fucked you up, right?" Kyle mentions. "Well, maybe he needs to undo what he did and help you back on the right track."

Craig can't help but laugh and the sound is incredibly bitter to Kyle's ears. "It's too late for me."

Their conversation dies down once Stan and Cartman return. Craig excuses himself shortly after. He returns to his room, opening his desk drawer. Inside is his plethora of pills. This time, he reaches for sleeping pills. He takes one too many in hopes that he'll sleep tomorrow away.

* * *

><p>The following day, Craig wakes up late. That night, his friends hold an intervention – even Kyle is there. Craig doesn't like it one bit. He protests. They protest in response. Everyone starts shouting and arguing. Kenny is standing in the corner of the room innocently staring at Craig. He has the power to stop things, but he likes driving Craig mad.<p>

"SHOW YOURSELF!" Craig screams suddenly, sounding shrill. "DO IT SO I KNOW I'M NOT FUCKING CRAZY!" Kenny laughs and laughs and laughs as if it's all just a game to him. "Fuck you!" Craig continues to scream. After that, he runs away. No one bothers following him – not even Kenny. Instead, the blond lingers in the room and listens to the conversations.

"We should have him institutionalized," Token suggests.

"Would that even help?" Nichole wonders.

"How do we know he's lying?" Kyle suddenly asks. The question throws everyone off and he finds himself on the receiving end of many strange glances.

"Don't humor his delusions, Kyle," Token warns.

"But that's just it, isn't it?" the redhead continues. "How do we know they're delusions?"

Kenny's smile widens. Of course Kyle would consider it. He's always been a believer. As logical as he is, sometimes he understands that you need to throw logic aside.

This is when Kenny realizes he needs to make a decision. He could finish it… or he could let things drag on. He could watch as Craig is forced into a nut house. Each night, he could visit him there and drive him further and further away from sanity. But he won't. Instead, he'll be honest for once in his damn life. Maybe he needs to be. "You're right, Kyle!" he exclaims. Now is a good a time as any to show himself… and when he does, all eyes are on him. The conversations all die down, the arguments stop and it's silent. For many long moments, no one says a word – it quiets and everyone simply stares. "You guys owe Craig an apology," the blond says smugly. Even now, he's having fun screwing around with things.

Kyle doesn't look as shocked as everyone else. "Kenny," he says the blond's name in a business-like tone. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"What do you mean?" Kenny asks in a simper.

"You're gonna fucking _ruin_ him!" Kyle hisses in accusation.

"Too late," Kenny says simply.

Kyle shakes his head in disbelief, giving his friend a wide-eyed look. "Why…?" he asks quietly. "Why are you like this?"

"Why do you care?" Kenny retorts. "You don't even like Craig. You've never liked him. Eric would probably be laughing right about now, but here you are talking down to me." He pauses, staring at the rest of Craig's friends and his girlfriend, "And all of you guys… You guys never listen to him. He's been going off the rails for years. This is nothing new. I don't know why you're getting so mad at _me_."

"Because you're acting like an immature, possessive child!" Kyle shouts at him. "You can't play with people like this. It's wrong and it's cruel!"

"Craig never seems to mind," the blond notes lightly.

"Because when you take and you take and you take enough times a person will just come to expect it," Kyle murmurs. "It's hard to run away."

"Of all the things I've fucked up… he is the worst," Kenny admits, calming down. "He's… he's a done job."

"Then maybe that's it," Kyle says reasonably. "Maybe that's why you're still stuck here. I've said it to Craig, so I may as well say it to you, too. You need to _stop_."

"Go after him," Kenny murmurs with a sigh, eying Red from where she's hovering. "You know he won't take care of himself. He can't be left alone."

The girl simply nods, leaving the room.

"The fun is over, Kenny," Kyle says with finality.

"I know," the blond mutters. "I know."

* * *

><p>When Red catches up with Craig, she starts shouting apologies in an attempt to get him to stop. "I believe you!" she pleads. "Craig, please, just stop for a minute and talk to me!"<p>

When he finally stops, he stares at her with accusation. "You _never_ fucking believed me."

"I thought it was the drugs," she whispers. "I'm sorry."

"I tried…!" he sobs. "I tried and I can't… I can't stop!"

Red gives him a piteous looking before wrapping her arms around him. She doesn't speak. Neither does he.

* * *

><p>Craig doesn't go to classes the following week. He is still being haunted, but for once it's not by Kenny. Kenny has been absent. Craig doesn't know why, but he knows it won't last. It never does. He always shows up when Craig least expects him to and he wreaks more havoc. But now everyone knows. It should make things easier, right? No. Craig still has a hard time talking about it. There's a shame, but it's buried deep. If Craig smothers it, he can get by. He just lets the numbness fill every inch of his inner and outer being. The drugs help with that.<p>

Come night, Clyde makes his way to Craig's room.

"What do you want?" Craig asks rudely.

Clyde dismisses it. "I just want to see how you're holding up. You haven't been leaving your room much."

"I'm waiting," Craig says.

"For…?"

"Kenny," he reveals.

Clyde only sighs. "Ignore him and he'll go away."

"I've tried that in the past," Craig admits. "It hasn't helped."

"You try to be normal but I don't think you realize that to be normal you have to make mistakes," Clyde tells him. "Normal people aren't flawless. They fuck up. It's okay to fuck up, Craig… but it's not okay to simply accept things and continue to fuck up."

"I'm fucking up?" Craig repeats Clyde's sentiment bitterly. "No. I think you guys are the ones that fucked up."

"At least we apologized!" Clyde snaps. "At least we're trying to fix it and make right with you!"

Craig shoves him. "I don't need it!" he shouts. "I don't need any of it, okay?"

"I think you do," the other teenager grits out. "You just have the hardest fucking time asking for help and an even harder time accepting it."

Craig closes his eyes, sinking into his mattress. Clyde sits next to them and they sit in silence for a few minutes before Craig decides to weakly admit, "I think I'm addicted."

"To drugs?" Clyde asks.

"That's obvious," Craig murmurs, "but… in a way, I'm also addicted to Kenny."

Clyde stares piteously. "At least you're finally admitting it."

"Like the drugs, I know he isn't good for me…" Craig continues softly, "but I can't _stop_. Even when I want to, it's like… I just give in and I drive myself crazy forcing myself not to care. It's a cycle. I need the drugs because of Kenny and I need Kenny because of the drugs."

"If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him," Clyde murmurs.

Craig smiles bitterly at that. "I probably wouldn't let you."

* * *

><p>Kenny shows up when midnight passes. Craig forewent pills and he's lying in bed with a headache. Without a word, Kenny slinks into the room and lies down next to him. For a while, neither of them speak.<p>

"Everyone says I'm a bad person," Kenny says, breaking the silence.

"You are," Craig whispers, rolling onto his side to face the blond. "I think in life there was something wrong with you. I think you were sicker than I could ever be."

"Maybe," Kenny admits. "People always called you a sociopath, but maybe it was me."

Craig lets out a shaky breath. "It hurts," he whispers tearfully and that look alone makes Kenny's heart ache. "Everything hurts. You're fucking killing me…"

"Why did you always come back?" Kenny asks quietly.

"I don't know," Craig forces a laugh, wiping his eyes. "I could ask you the same thing. I guess I hated myself."

"Do you still?"

"No," the brunet murmurs before relenting, "Shit, I dunno… maybe… probably… The only difference is that now I'm trying not to. Everyone is getting tired – me included. I've always been tired… but if don't catch a break soon I think I'll really die."

"Hm," the blond muses.

"I pity you," Craig whispers suddenly, as if he's only just realizing it.

"Me?" Kenny laughs bitterly. "Don't pity me. Death is hard, yes, but life is so much harder. Just look at yourself. You're in ruins."

"And whose fault is that?"

Kenny softens. "Mine, I know… but to an extent it's also yours. You had free will all along."

Craig gives him a look of distaste.

"Think of it as a lesson," Kenny says sagely, as if there's nothing wrong with all the things he did.

"When you're gone I'll try," Craig agrees. It's all he really can do.

"I don't know how to leave," Kenny admits. "I guess it'll just... _happen_."

Craig nods. He already knows. This is part of why things have lasted as long as they have. Kenny has to be ready. "Do you even want to leave? You seem to like ruining my life."

For a while, Kenny doesn't speak. "Things are different now, aren't they? Your friends know… My friends know, too. They won't allow me to stay, even if I wanted to. It wouldn't be the same. I knew what would happen when I decided to be honest. I guess I'm bored of the game. There's nothing left for me to fuck up."

Craig scoffs lightly. "You really are a sick person."

"Fair enough." Kenny doesn't protest. "Let me ask you something, though. Are you ready for me to be gone?"

Craig is taken aback. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Like you told Clyde… I'm your addiction," Kenny reminds him.

"You were listening…?"

"Of course. I always am."

Craig rolls onto his back again, staring into the dimness. "Do you need my forgiveness?"

"I don't know."

"It isn't something I can give you," Craig admits.

"It's okay," Kenny admits. "I know I'm going to hell either way. Maybe that's another reason why I've lingered for so long."

"What was the other reason?"

"Y'know," Kenny says in an uncharacteristically soft voice, "in my own fucked up way, I do love you."

Craig closes his eyes. The words are difficult to hear. They cause an unpleasant stir in his stomach. "Why me?"

"You just happened to catch my interest," Kenny says. "You kept me alive for a little while longer than I originally planned."

Craig feels his eyes glaze over. "You killed yourself."

"Yeah."

He swallows the lump in his throat. "Why?"

"I had nothing," the blond admits. "I had nothing except you."

"And I _have_ nothing except you," Craig says in response.

"Red still wants you," Kenny points out. "So, hey," he murmurs, moving the hair off of Craig's forehead. "I'll be gone in the morning."

"Aren't you always?" the brunet asks groggily.

"This time I don't think I'll be back."

Craig pauses. "Why not? Why so suddenly?"

"I don't know," Kenny admits. "I just feel it. Something is different. Maybe it's us. Maybe this is what I needed – to give you closure. Maybe it was never about me."

"Oh," Craig whispers weakly.

"Just sleep," Kenny says soothingly. "I never did mean to hurt you as much as I did. I wanted to hurt you enough so you'd stay, but not enough so you'd never recover."

Craig says nothing. He can't talk. If he tried, he'd only choke on the words. They'd get stuck in his throat.

"Just sleep," Kenny tells him again.

And Craig does. For once in his life, it comes easy.

* * *

><p>Come morning, he's alone – just like Kenny said he would be. His head is still pounding, but for once in his life he doesn't reach for more pills. He lets the pain take over and for the first time in a long time he revels in the feeling of feeling something other than nothing. He takes a deep breath, placing a palm over his aching forehead. Part of him expects Kenny to saunter through the door, smile in place, but he doesn't. Minutes pass and there's no sign of him. Hours pass, and it still holds true.<p>

When Craig gets out of bed, his head still hurts, but he decides to get some fresh air. He waits for Red to get out of class and he walks with her for a while.

"Something is different," she accuses, eyes narrowing.

"Yeah," he agrees. "I'm going to change. I'm ready."

Red smiles. "I'm glad to hear that."

The rest of the walk is silent. When they reach Red's share house, Craig stops. "Sorry I was shit," he apologizes.

She turns around and stares at him. "Baby steps, Craig."

"Y'know…" he murmurs. "I never slept with another girl since we got together."

"Why?" she asks softly.

"I wanted to keep a disconnect," he admits. "I wanted to keep separate what I had with you and what I had with everyone else… with Kenny."

"Where's all this coming from, Craig?" The question comes out weakly, laced in a knowing kind of fear.

"I'm not going to be around anymore," he admits.

"Where _is_ Kenny?" Red asks in a whisper, piecing things together.

"He's gone," Craig answers simply. "Soon I'll be gone, too."

She had a feeling the blond had finally left. Otherwise, Craig wouldn't look as content as he does. "Where are you going?" she asks, trying to shake the desperation from her voice.

"Maybe nowhere," he starts vaguely, "maybe everywhere."

"Craig… please don't," she pleads.

He simply smiles, turning away and wandering.

.

.

.

_**Epilogue**_

After that, he ran away. With what little money he had left over, he skipped out and not a word was said about Craig Tucker.

Right now Red is standing outside of a motel door. On the opposite side of the wall, she knows she'll find Craig – yet she hesitates. It's been a long time, but she always knew she'd find him here.

This is the place Craig took her when they had their one year anniversary. It seems like so long ago. Then Red remembers it _was_ so long ago. Craig forgot, of course, but Red made a big deal out of it. To make it up to her, he said they could go away for the weekend – somewhere they could have some privacy. Craig took her here. Alone together, they drank and laughed and fucked. It was the first time she saw Craig look genuinely happy and light. She knew that must have meant something. This must be one of Craig's happy places – out in the middle of nowhere.

She takes a deep breath before knocking on the distantly familiar door. Mere seconds later, it opens and for the first time in a long time, she stands face to face with Craig. He looks run down in ways, but healthy in others. His hair is stuck up in strange angles and there is stubble on his chin. He doesn't look himself somehow, but at the same time he does. Nonetheless, Red is relieved. He's alive. That must mean something, too.

"Hey," she says, deciding to be the first to talk.

He nods, echoing, "Hey." He doesn't look surprised to see her. Red has a feeling he had been expecting a visit.

"Get your things," she tells him. "We're leaving."

And Craig doesn't protest. It's summer now and he's coming home. He's twenty-one years old and he's coming home.

* * *

><p>In Red's car, the car ride is silent but not tense. It's comfortable, but there are still many questions on the tip of her tongue. "Why did you go?" she asks, unable to keep it in.<p>

"Because _he_ did," is all Craig responds with.

Red doesn't have to put the puzzle pieces together. In her mind, it makes perfect sense. Craig disappeared after Kenny did, but the two boys had different plans. Kenny is gone in a different sense than Craig was. Kenny moved on.

"Did you love him?" Red wonders.

"Sometimes I think so," he says with a mirthless chuckle. "I felt kind of empty without him. I think that's why I had to go. Everything reminded me of him and I couldn't deal with it. Even now, I feel it… but then I remember all the shit he did to me… and I remember how much I hated him at times. I don't know if it's possible to love and hate someone at the same time."

"There's a thin line between love and hate," the girl offers.

"I dreamt about him last night," Craig decides to confess. "I haven't done that since I left. It's like I knew I'd be coming back here. Being home… it's bringing back all the damn memories I wanted to run away from in the first place."

"That's just it, Craig, isn't it?" Red starts gently. "You can't run away. It never solves a damn thing."

"I get that now," he murmurs, "but you know me… I always need to learn everything the hard way."

"You're stubborn as a mule," she says with a small smile.

"I don't regret leaving," he admits. "In a way, it was refreshing. I think I needed to be alone."

"Oh," she whispers.

"I feel like everyone else kind of gave up on me," he says somewhat forlornly, "but not you."

"I love you," she explains simply.

That reason alone was enough for her to go searching for him.

* * *

><p>Red wants to keep Craig to herself, but instead she takes him home.<p>

"You're back," Laura Tucker says, eying her son.

"Yeah," he answers, shoving his hands in his pockets.

That's that – the touching reunion. Without another word, she lets him inside and Red is gone. Craig goes to his room, but it all feels strange and unfamiliar, as if he doesn't belong here. Perhaps this feeling is something he had gotten used to as a child, but on the road he felt so alive. He was no longer Craig Tucker – whore, junky, thief. He was a simple stranger amongst strangers. Now he is back home and he is once again Craig Tucker – ex whore, ex junky, ex thief. Craig Tucker – reformed.

The adventure is over, but Craig is going to miss it. He's going to miss being nothing but a simple face amongst a crowd. He's going to miss being forgotten by the people that walked past him each day.

He sets his backpack down against the wall on the floor before taking a seat on the edge of his bed. He lets it all sink in – the good, the bad. He tries not to mourn the past, but it feels like he's saying goodbye. To who? He doesn't know.

Though the day is still early, he decides to waste it. Phone in hand, he sets an alarm. He shrugs out of his jeans and flannel shirt, tossing them to the floor. He buries beneath his covers, trying to take comfort in the feeling of being in his own bed but it's not something he's ever found comfort in.

Still… he drifts.

* * *

><p>Craig is crying by now and his tears are landing in his drink. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. He gets up, he leaves and he enters the cold. He tries hard to rid his mind of that old friend, but he still comes and goes. It's like trying to break out of your own skin because he's been there for so long. At times like this Craig can't seem to shake him away. His phone starts ringing in his pocket. He ignores it. It keeps ringing. His head keeps ringing. His ears keep ringing.<p>

Then he wakes up. He's in his room lying in his bed and his alarm is going off. It was all just a dream. Another damn dream. Then Craig remembers he doesn't drink anymore. He stopped a long time ago. He quit the hard stuff, too. He quit a lot of things after Kenny disappeared. School was another one of the things he quit. Craig Tucker – quitter.

He turns off the alarm and lies in bed for many more minutes, staring up at the ceiling.

Strange dreams – the kind he hasn't had in ages… the kind he hasn't missed. He has a feeling he'll be unwillingly welcoming them back. Perhaps this is his mind's way of telling him there's one more thing he needs to do.

'Soon,' he thinks to himself. 'I'll do it soon.'

He's not quite ready.

* * *

><p>The following day, Craig is visited by Red. She tries not to, but she feels like she's once again mothering him. "Want to go for a walk?" she offers.<p>

"Sure," he accepts.

He gets dressed in a thin t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. Then the two of them leave. "How are you?" she asks after a brief silence.

"I'm all right," he answers as he walks alongside her.

"Just all right?" she pries, glancing up at him.

He only nods.

"You're _free_, Craig," Red points out. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"I don't know," the brunet admits. "I don't think I ever really knew what I wanted. I still don't, even now." She only smiles in response and it's full of compassion. Not pity – but compassion. Craig doesn't mind. He takes her hand and holds it in his as they walk. "Sometimes I wonder why you ever forgave me," he admits in a soft murmur.

"You never hurt me, Craig," she says. "At least, not directly. You only hurt yourself. I suppose in a way that hurt me, too… but I know these weren't malicious or selfish actions."

"How very," Craig sighs.

"What was the scariest part of it all?" Red can't help but wonder.

"Hm," he is thoughtful for a moment before answering. "I don't know. I could lie and say it was when I finally stopped caring and when I just let everyone have me. I wanted to belong to everyone and no one at the same time. Only then could I truly be alone. At least, that's what I thought… but no. I was wrong. I was never alone. He never left me alone. I think the scariest part was after all of that. The scariest part was when all of that subsided and I started caring again. The scariest part was realizing all the shit I put myself through. It was realizing how many times I was willing to ruin myself inside and outside. It was realizing that I was lower than low and I had to bring myself back up. It was realizing I didn't know how. It was realizing for the first time in my life I would have to depend on myself and depend on others."

Red gives his hand a light squeeze. "I'm glad you did."

"In a way, you kind of saved my life," he says. "You were always by my side. You were always reassuring me. There were times I couldn't go on for myself, so I'd do it for you. I know that might sound stupid, but I think it's honestly what kept me moving forward. I never thanked you."

"I never expected a thank you," she chuckles. "I didn't do it for a thank you. I did it because you deserved more than you were giving yourself."

"Still," he pauses, "I'm grateful."

"I know," she offers him another smile.

"I mean it," he says. "Thank you for saving me."

"Well, you were worth saving," she tells him sincerely.

"If I'm going to be honest, I'll admit it's hard to hear you say things like that about me," he laughs bitterly.

"Yeah," she whispers.

"Am I selfish?" Craig wonders aloud.

Red shakes her head. "Some people would argue that running away is selfish… but I don't think it is. I think the last thing on your mind was your family and friends. You weren't consciously trying to hurt anyone. You were in pain, right? And that's what's taking you over. It's overpowering. No one is angry with you."

"Hm," he muses in a murmur.

"But if you need forgiveness… I forgive you," Red offers.

"Thanks," he whispers. "It's important, right? Forgiveness?"

"Of course," Red says surely. "Forgive people because they deserve it, but mostly because you deserve it."

Craig nods. "Would you mind coming with me? There's something I have to do. I've been putting it off for a long time."

"Sure," she says with a knowing smile. She has a feeling what it is.

The rest of the walk is silent and soon they're at the graveyard. It's a part of town Red never walked through. She never had reason for it.

It takes them a while to find the grave – South Park is a town touched by death quite frequently – but soon, they find it.

Kenneth McCormick  
>1993 – 2011<br>_Rest Is Thine And Sweet Remembrance Is Ours_

Craig stares at the date. It doesn't feel like it's been three years. In ways it feels longer and in others, much shorter. "Hey," he says aloud. "I forgive you." The words come out easily. Craig finds it funny and sad that Kenny never needed to hear them to pass on. Perhaps he never deserved to hear the words. Perhaps all he was supposed to do was show what little remorse he was capable of – to understand that people aren't toys. Whether he truly did or not, Craig will never know, but he can't help but wonder where the blond boy is now. Is he at peace or is he in pain? Even after everything that's happened, Craig hopes he's at peace. Everyone deserves peace, even those who make awful mistakes. Craig wonders if it's the apathy lingering, or if he's softened as the years went by. "Is this why you brought me back here?" Craig asks, looking over at the girl.

"Maybe," Red smiles a small smile. "Are you going to stay?"

"Maybe," he says, but Red knows that _maybe_ means _yes_. Craig is finished mourning. Finally.

With their hands still linked, they leave the cemetery. Craig feels lighter – like a weight has been lifted. Maybe now he won't feel the need to keep running away. Craig's time together with Kenny wasn't simple or sweet, but it's over now. That's what matters. Now he can start to concentrate on himself. Life is for the living, after all.

Things may not ever be the same with Red. They might never get back to where they were, but he'll love her nonetheless and she'll love him back just as hard. In comforting silence, she walks Craig back home.

When they reach his driveway, they slow their pace. When they reach the stairs, they turn to one another. For a moment, they both hover and then in a tentative motion they move forward. Their lips touch chastely, but neither of them linger.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" she asks.

"Tomorrow," Craig agrees.

And every day after that.

* * *

><p>Time does heal. Craig, once a cynic, severely doubted that old saying… but now he knows it holds true. Time heals, but it doesn't take. It leaves you with the memories; the only difference is that they no longer hurt.<p>

Sometimes, Craig will stop. Kenny will cross his mind and the entire world will pause. He'll see that familiar blond with a deceiving smile as bright as the sun. But with these thoughts comes no pain. Craig no longer feels like his body is going to implode. These thoughts aren't dangerous. They're just simple thoughts about a man who was anything but.

So, here's to the future. Craig is gonna make something of it.

**Fin. **


End file.
